Monday, April 10, 2006

One more entry into the journal of sophisms

There really is no loss. I went discovering this the reverse way. Like I discovered there really was no gain. It was pretty simple.

Curling around him in the car across every road that becomes lonely at night in Chennai. The eyes with a will of their own, close.

He's talking. From him I've learned how to answer at the right moment and the right things.

I was becoming better than him. He never realized where my attention was. Or wasn't.

But I'd never considered him fool. Half a ear caught his voiced words. He would have known otherwise. And I owed it to him.

When the voice stopped falling on the ear, it offended the pattern. I could almost feel him gathering back words that had carelessly left his lips.

He'd called me by her name.

Force of habit, I console myself. Or is it, the voice that always asks, asks.

My hands disentangle themselves from his body. I move away pressing my body to the window by the door.

I see hurt without reflection. I run every syllable of her name over my tongue. They taste bitter.

The car gets into a corner too. His apologetic body turns towards me.

I see a curious onlooker who peeps into our car. My mind yells at him. Go away. We aren't doing anything that will interest you. No tentative fingers at places of your interest.

My cell phone rings silently making a small unwarm glow in the dark. We both watch it.

We're boring. He walks away disappointed.

The words that we don't speak jostle each other trying to escape from the confines of the automobile.

I'm sorry.



I lower the window.

I forgive him. It doesn't mean a thing.

It makes me magnanimous. Maybe...
It makes him more human than he cares to accept. Maybe...

19 Comments:

Blogger Lazy strokes said...

The idea that u write the posts and then go find the pictures for them is too big to swallow. Tell me you've got a nice little collection of pictures that inspire you to write...

Or else don't say anything.

2:07 AM  
Blogger Dhanush said...

Felt like a small "chattal mazha" of words representing boredom in love. Or Am I wrong here ?.
If there was a rain in the background.... Would she have thrown at him the water she collected after lowering the window.
Nice Post. As always :-)

5:02 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

"Don't ever fall in Love!"- I dint really understand that statement you made...can falling in love be helped?! :D
I really like the way you effectively weave real life and fictitious situations along with experiences....the end result is so visual!!! luv it :D

1:28 AM  
Blogger Dhanya said...

:( Why Am I Feeling Sad?

You Know what Poornima, I have been reading you for more than a year now. Sometimes, they've made me think, sometimes cry, sometimes laugh...But I never knew that beyond everything I have found a friend in you! A very very sweet voiced friend who is bold enough to shout what she feels to the world! And hats Off To You For That!

I have always wondered...why is it the same for me too...why is it that someone else, shares the same experiences as mine and lots more than that...!

Keep writing! *muah*

4:43 AM  
Blogger Dhanya said...

ls: I Bet She Does!!!

4:44 AM  
Blogger Poornima said...

Lazy Strokes: I DO have a collection of pics. But seriously, one can't write based on pictures. One writes and finds pics that best suit what's written. Not ONE word is changed. If I can't find the pics (worst case scenario), I'll post without them.

Dhanush: Am curious. Not bored. And the act of throwing water at him had there been rain, that would have been the visual act of forgiving.

Sharat: Falling in love can't be helped. Fallin further in the same love can't be helped too. Neither can being hurt.

Dhanya: I am at a loss for words. *Hug*

4:48 AM  
Blogger pophabhi said...

Through the drops of fiction, the reality comes up vaguely beyond the shield of rain. Although it throws dirt at the unintended frankness, finally hardly anyone reaches the boundary of ‘unselfish love’. You read Albert Camus? Quite figurative, at times – Good read! Keep writing!

11:58 AM  
Blogger aks said...

hey love....dont exactly know what to say...theres something in this post..dont know what..strange something(maybe the whole thing was beyond my immature grasp)....its left a kinda numbness.......

2:04 PM  
Blogger Lost in trance... said...

its a difficult thing. to play god. doesnt always work. didnt for me. i tried again. didnt then too. ive learned.

2:06 PM  
Blogger Poornima said...

Pophabi: I loved Sisyphus. But Sarte remains a favorite.

Aks: Its better off if you don't understand such feelings.

Lost in trance: I don't know about creation, but destruction seems to be my forte!

6:08 AM  
Blogger Sujit said...

nice... but why to lower the window? to get a fresh gasp of air lower the emotinal belogness?

12:35 PM  
Blogger Poornima said...

Sujit: To give room for the words which seemed claustrophobic.

4:33 AM  
Anonymous one among the crowd said...

dear poornima,

todays couples begin their marital life riddled with worrying statistics. if the four-year itch doesn't get you the seven-year will. but then you beat them all. so much of pessimism is rendering hope to the dumpyard. life isn't just about so much of negatives or is it? anyway LUI (loving under the influence) stage. This is the stage that could lead to a relationship and marriage. You have stars in your eyes and your heart beats to the rhythm of love. Scientists call it the PEA rush. The endorphin PEA (phenoethalymine) which floods your body at this stage boosts your feelings of well being and desire. when this stage evolves into commitment, it's called the honeymoon stage. oh oh am i way ahead. let me wait. keep writing.

12:51 AM  
Blogger Poornima said...

OAC: You know, I thought you were someone I didn't know. But now... Well, I am a born pessimist. As they say, the best thing about being a pessimist is that either you're proved right or you're plesantly surprsied!

2:34 AM  
Blogger A.G.Sudarshan said...

Amazing play of words... Markedly different.

9:25 AM  
Blogger Poornima said...

Sudarshan: :))

2:07 AM  
Blogger Kaleidoscopic said...

Hey always remember once you do something magnaminous you raise the bars, the more god like u become the more human he would. Be prepared for that

11:56 PM  
Blogger Poornima said...

Kaleidoscopic: And that is a curse.

4:53 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

whispering her name in bed or while driving .. which is more gross?

4:10 AM  

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