Monday, April 03, 2006

Broken summer spells

So when we're walking from one neon light to another at the beach, we take in the warm and salty smell of the sea, the tinkle of ice cream vendors who watch people distractedly and women who walk around with brown baskets full of summer flowers.

He buys me flowers. I love wearing flowers. The haunting smell that walks with me everywhere... yes, I love wearing flowers.

His hands feel warm and coarse in mine. Unlike the one I'd held before and for long months. Its amazing how one can adapt to different things. Or to different men...Sometimes I wish this was the last one.

We make heads turn. Both of us smile to ourselves knowing that we look good together. It pleases us no end.

His hands run a line connecting the three moles on the length of my hand. They're the perfect points for a straight line - a graph. Like those 3 stars you see forever in the sky. I don't know what they're called, but you do know what I mean, don't you?

I once colored my hair pink, he says fondly. A trifle arrogantly too.

It’s my cue to say something I've done. To regret maybe. But to look back and smile in fondness definitely.

My other hand draws patterns in the sand. No, not those random ones. I realize it’s the one I used to doodle when way back in school.

I have a tattoo, I lie carelessly.

His fingers drop from my hand. The pause. The first step of abandonment.

The longer pause. He takes a step back in our life together. The actual act of abandonment. I wonder what his exit line will be with me, him being creative and all with the women in his life…

Where? Did I ever consider his voice gentle?

I take his hands that have long left my body. Placing them on the lower end of my spine, I lie again. Here.

And recklessly pointing to the sun which I've brought to the sand, 'It looks like this.'

I can now smell the stench of fish. The smell of oil mixed in water from the numerous boats that will never be lost at sea.

Tattoos and them being slutty on women, his voice says.

I lost a guy over a tattoo I never had.
We walk back together to where we never came from.
And I left the flowers behind.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

wot can I say?!
tattoos and slutty....hmmm! I used to be a part of that line of thought until I met some amazing lasses (slutty...not a chance!intellects....yes!!) with tattoos...
Perhaps that line of (negative) thought is developed as a result of tattoos forming mostly in the process of druken/drugged revelries in places like least that might be the presumption!
heck...I got a tattoo done...wotz the male equivalent of a slut?!?! ;p I dare add more...
lovely post...
and about the flowers you sport (if you do?!)....we can discuss that someday ;D

3:17 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

"I once colored my hair pink, he says fondly"..did he actually say that? hhmmmm..he seems to be an interesting character..a person who buys you flowers and colors his hair pink.."PINK" of all colors and to top it, he said it "fondly"..**arrghh**

I am not entitled to say this but sayin this in a lighter shud have left his hand the moment he had said

3:33 AM  
Blogger Mrs. Dalloway said...

Sharat: I LOVE wearing flowers! So there! Hmpf!

S: I couldn't care less about his hair color! And I love you!

7:40 AM  
Blogger Dawn said...

first time it and it left a deep silence of thought...where my mind only could say was...good riddence...if thats what it was all about then good...that it parted..!
I loved the pic on the sand.


11:21 AM  
Blogger scout said...

Well, I really do have a tattoo. And piercings. But though no one's left me 'cuz they discovered them... I relate to what you wrote; goes beyond tattoos doesn't it?

3:12 PM  
Blogger Lost in trance... said...

somehow, the only place i can think of wen i hear the word tattoo is the lower back of a woman...wonder y :O)
*lost again*

3:24 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

hmmmm - the high of resignation is there for all to see. oh yeah, a bundle of contradictions is synonymous with you. a tatooed life that might or might not be. but that is you. get that off your back. beaches have always been like it....enchanting, seductress, and at the same time carrying that mystic presence of impish jealousy. how many hearts have the waves carried with it back into the realms of eternal vastness...the hands are coarse but soothing...keep writing..

10:34 PM  
Blogger Xoff said...

Nice work. Why are the endings always tragic? Or are they?

10:55 PM  
Blogger Mrs. Dalloway said...

Dawn: Welcome.

Scout: That it does. Convictions and contradictions.

Lost in trance: That's exactly where I would have had, had I got one done!

OAC: The secrets they've heard, the sorrows they've washed away, the acts they've witnessed...And us coastliners. True.

Xoff: They are what they are meant to be. A tragedy is an act that ends. But ours continue.

12:59 AM  
Blogger Arvind Iyer said... melt my heart.
one tight slap from my side to all the pretentious chauvinist bastards out there ...
(same question again : is this fiction or not ?)

5:51 AM  
Blogger Nileenam said...

Hi Poornima,
Can't say first time in your blog. Was going through it for the last two days.Till now not completed.Any way nice presentation and good writing skills.I am new to this site.I Welcome U all to my blog

12:25 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

maybe the pink colour, maybe the tattoo...something was unusually very irritating in this post.
and there again...he and she!

get out of it girl. grow up. life is deeper and vaster than the he and she relationships. and never try too hard. it just hurts you at the end!

and please write something that is genuine. like the tattoo story, don't lie in your posts, it reflects badly.

you have a good sense of writing, a good pick for words. so use it.

11:19 PM  
Blogger clash said...

There is nothing much to say. I dint read the post, I dint have the patience, but y do I drop in, here, at times? Coz you have a wonderful way of putting things. Everybody has their own vices... Your vices are for "he and she". However, the anonymous comment just above mine is a welcome break... Coz I haven seen anyone so acerbic about what you have written until now. I wanted to... But Its your right to write "what you feel like" .So I dint make any overt comments here... coz I never knew how you are going to take it. Again that should not be my botheration. So I am telling You better start writing lyrics for Pink floyd.."Your words minus the hidden romance in it, is the lyrics of pinkfloyd". If you dint get it... You write about lost love... And they sing about whatever you can loose in your life! Nevertheless, I do not know if you are one!

12:29 AM  
Blogger Mrs. Dalloway said...

Arvind: High five! And for the last part as always, shhh....!

Sindhu: I think this was the 100th post!

Anon: Thanks. But a small note to be added- I write for myself. And its not about 'he and she'. Its about me. What I'd do, have done, did- the tenses are all that varies and yes, that makes a world of difference.

Ps: Unlike school and syllabuses, my blog is optional.

Clash: The first comment from you was for the post on 'Love Story'. Can't help but remember it. Lost love, love- it all holds a curiousity, a bewliderment, almost an enchantment. Let me revel in it as long as it lasts.

1:51 AM  
Blogger Arun said...

That's the problem with walking with someone on Marina beach.

3:05 AM  
Blogger Mrs. Dalloway said...

Arun: It WAS the Marina!!!!

6:55 AM  
Blogger Arun said...

I knew it! Guessed it from the stentch of fish and the sun which you made on the sand. I saw it when I was there last time.

10:07 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

hmm ... never knew tatoos can be that effective :)

11:47 AM  
Blogger phatichar said...

You sure left a mark... :)

8:59 PM  
Blogger Dhanya said...

Thought wouldn't come here, until u call me! :( am still grumpy!

post: Da, what is with this tattoo and being sluttish? Didn't get the connection and I think it is better off without any idiots in pink and yellows! You know, the traditional old image of the tall dark and handsome...twinkling eyes, broad chest...! more specifics!

and why the hell do u have to leave something behind all the time?

am not coming here until i get a buzz from u, even if it is at 2 at night!

2:27 AM  
Blogger Mrs. Dalloway said...

Arun: :D

Amitken: Now we do!

Phatichar: He he!

Dhanya: Too much baggage to carry around!

3:52 AM  
Blogger ashish said...

Poor guy, could not think beyond the tattoo :)

8:41 PM  
Blogger Dhanya said...

:) :D :) Gleeeeeeeeeeeeee...

If you leave atleast leave back the pain that you carry around, three-fourths of the luggage will reduce! :P

:) Gleeeeeeeeee but u know why i am smiling so much don't u???

but i am not convinced with one answer! cochin...ahem ahem! and one BIG ahem!

1:45 AM  
Blogger Mrs. Dalloway said...

Ashish: Sometimes that's best you know! Sometimes...

Dhanya: :D Sweet voice huh? And yeah- WOMAN. Definitely!

5:47 AM  
Blogger Ankur Sethi said...

first time here and came here from Arun's blog.

somehow your words kept me reading and at the end made me think, don't know what!

might as well drop again...

7:05 AM  
Blogger Mrs. Dalloway said...

Ankur: Welcome.

8:16 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hi Poornima,

Accidently came across your blog while making a seacrh for malayalam calender.Your stories are mind blowing.just cant stop reading your posts!

9:21 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Lovely blog. For some reason you name sounded very familiar (dubai?)which I why i lingered on to read ...

And my 2 cents, if you lose a guy who colored his hair pink (fruit cake possibly) and thinks women with tatoos are sluts and generalizes his observations without taking the effort to know you for your intrinsic worth, is it worth the pain ?

But then the heart does not run on logic, and I relate to that..

have a nice day

8:44 AM  
Blogger arvindiyer said...

The smile is the same everytime i read ur posts...from time to time i end up comin here when am in need of a smile...U don't seem to fail..As for ur fictions, they all seem to make me read it two or three times before i conclude that it is not bout me that ur talkin bout:) How be u?
U missed my b'day:(

1:35 PM  
Blogger Sudarshan. A. G. said...

Its time to correct the wrong...
It was over a tatoo 'she' never had rite? :)

3:00 PM  
Blogger Mrs. Dalloway said...

Reshmi: Mathrubhumi right?

G: The heart has its reasons of which reason knows nothing of-Pascal

Arvind: Oh oh! Am terrible with birthdays. Belated wishes and have a wonderful year ahead.

Sudarshan: Yeah- SHE doesn't have a tatoo! Her mother would have had a cardia arrest had she!

1:34 AM  
Blogger aks said...

hey love.......i love tattoos..... ;-)

2:10 PM  
Blogger Mrs. Dalloway said...

Aks: Lol! Maybe I should get one done!

6:04 AM  
Blogger KironR said...

Orion's Belt ;)

12:13 AM  
Blogger Mrs. Dalloway said...

Ravindrans: Thanks!

2:28 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Not exactly Mathrubhoomi..Do you write in Mathrubhoomi as well ...

1:36 PM  
Blogger Mrs. Dalloway said...

Reshmi: I would've loved to, but malayalam is not my forte!

2:05 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

tattoos remind me of the temperory sort of tattoo i got myself on a goa beach fully drunk and when i woke up i was afraid that i had got myself aids

why did you lie ? why did you test him ? there are no perfect men
he is a fool he should have asked to see the tattoo instead of being
a chavanist .

guess he is a mallu

4:18 AM  

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