Tuesday, February 14, 2006

My best friend's wedding

"Am getting married", he told me.

How on earth are you supposed to react to something like this coming from that one person you've always loved? You've tied in foolish years, friendship bands around each other's wrists. You've cried over broken loves. You've laughed and cried watching all your favorite movies together. You've repeated dialogues from your favorite film in sequence with perfect timing. You've known that even if you fall in love many times in life, you'll always have just one special friend who is your faith in mankind when the rest of the world walks away. No, these are not just Hallmark card lines...

I've known him for over eight years. And for over eight years I've loved him with a love that amazes me. I mean, like 8 years!!!!

I loved him when he went all over the place looking for that bangle that so caught my eye when we watched 'Dil to Pagal Hain' together. I loved him when he would slip out of his window at night and come to see me just because I was feeling disturbed. I loved him when he would rub my tired ankles that were sore after hours of dancing. I loved him when he would fall asleep on the bed while sitting with me during my study holidays... He was the only person who loved me and made a show about it. The rest of the people assumed I knew- yes I did. But once in a while someone comes along who shows you just how much.

So my best friend is getting married.

I sat plucking at my lower lip thoughtfully while holding on to the phone. I've heard this line and from him many a times. Once recklessly, we'd fled to the registrar's office to get married- oh no, not to each other. Thankfully my mother had in an auto sputtering with fury whisked us away. The part that the girl in question never turned up should be mentioned here I guess.

After a long pause best fit for an art movie, I laugh. Belatedly, yes.

He laughs. Now both of us are happy.

"I really am!"

Oh!

What's her name this time?

The names are always pretty. And I notice a pattern. They all begin with S. I tell him that. Now both of us are sad.

Why do you have to always hurt the ones you love? And consciously so? I wind and unwind the long cord of the telephone- its been long after having touched the earth and none too gently over the years of running to pick up a call. These days I ignore the black ring- it never is for me.

Why wasn't I told about the love bit that supposedly comes before the marriage line? I never ask.

But he tells me.

This must be love then. The others he'd 'loved' before, he'd even made retirement plans with.

What about me? I almost wail.

What?

I wait and answer. The telephone bill, let it surge I think spitefully.

Well, remember you were to marry me if no one does!

He laughs easily. We've been through this meticulously before. Those good old days when my friends would hint and lecture that he was the only person in the world who could love me the way he did because he never understood me. We laughed over it. At them too, cruelly.

No, seriously.

He says with the practiced ease of someone who knows the right answer.

We love each other too much to ever fall in love with each other.

I almost throw the phone. I was always good at making fine sounding statements. Maybe I should copyright them all.

Things will change. They always do. And learning to let go has been the lesson always. Maybe this time I'll pass the test gracefully. I will make things easier for him. I've never been an easy friend to have. Paying dues. The smiling and charming best friend who ushers in people, makes smart statements, flits around and catches everybody's eye...

April 30th. Maybe the girl won't turn up this time too.

21 Comments:

Anonymous Prashant Kumar said...

We love each other too much to ever fall in love with each other... it struck me like a thunderbolt... maybe it is possible, maybe not... watever it may be, it does give me some poignant moments... ah, all those good things that we do together with that "bestest" friend of ours, and the way you have picturised it in touching words, just the mere thought of it takes me on a nostalgic stroll down memory lane!! sigh!!! on a lighter note, do we see some action in the making with poornima battling her wits in her best friend's wedding a la julia roberts?? :D

4:29 AM  
Blogger Hyde said...

In little ways, it reminds me of my story. Except that, in my case, she is still unmarried.

4:59 AM  
Blogger Sujit said...

always a question wanders, why is that always the person who love the most are the ones who have to pay the dues?..

5:51 AM  
Blogger Sujit said...

Hope you are well now..

5:52 AM  
Blogger Poornima said...

Prashant: Lol! You know what- I messed up that messenger thingy! Write to me instead!

Hyde: Well, am not IN love with him. Are you with her?

Sujit: I hope you didn't ask me about the typhiod I'm down with! How did you know????????

7:08 AM  
Blogger Hyde said...

Once upon a time...

7:21 AM  
Blogger Poornima said...

Hyde: And you lived happily ever after.

7:30 AM  
Blogger ashish said...

I'll be completing four years in 7 days and I cannot handle any more, there's no way I can.

8:31 AM  
Blogger Sujit said...

sixth sense :)... How are you doing now?...

8:38 AM  
Anonymous anonymous bosch said...

Moving on is simple, it's what you leave behind that makes it so difficult.The fact is you dont miss him...You shouldn't... you miss an entity who you thought, he was...

You know how everyone always says to just forget him?! It's harder than most people would think it to be. And as much as the person says they're over them, they're usually hiding it behind a fake smile. I said I wanted to get over her a while back, but the truth is--it's been harder than ever, and I honestly don't know how to because I've never ever liked someone this much. Falling in love is easy...the hard part is letting go!! My biggest fear right now is that I'll never get over her the way I want to, and I'll always get jealous (but hide it completely), when she talks about other guys in a way that I would like to be talked about...and that I'll never get over her. It's much harder than you think to "just forget" about someone you've cared about for so long.

you are in love with a distant memory...a person that's now faded away. Yet I can't let go, I can't give up, because something makes me love you, and it won't let me let go... If you want to know where your heart is--look where your mind is when it wanders!!

Hate is a four-letter word....Love is a four-letter lie...

He might have been the closest thing to perfect, but the fact is that he is the farthest thing from you.....

Okay, well enough for now...I'm going to bed!

11:11 AM  
Blogger Lost in trance... said...

'Maybe the girl won't turn up this time too.'

so he is not, but u r?

12:18 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I have been through most of what you are saying. I'm at a point in life where, no matter what I do, everything is going haywire inspite of my best intentions. Time to be pragmatic, move out of self-made restrictions and dutiful impositions to pursue that which appeals most to my heart.
One leaves your blog with the feeling that you revel to dream and live in that imaginary world, suffering and enjoying all the same, yet hesitate to pull all your emotions and good nature out into the real world!

7:35 PM  
Blogger Poornima said...

Ashish: I never realized so many people are in love with their best friend!

Sujit: Betterer and betterer!

Anonymous bosch: Just the other day I was telling someone that the only way I have been able to let someone I love know it, is by letting go.

Lost in Trance: He is not what?

Anon: The biggest bane of my life is am far too in the real!

9:04 PM  
Blogger Xoff said...

wow! i love the way you write

10:55 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

finally!!!damn...first ill health, and then the wait for the next post...torturer!!get well and get back soon! ;o)
btw...I have some suggestions for a certain project you are working on!! ;D

1:26 AM  
Blogger Poornima said...

Xoff: Thank you! :o)

Sharat: Yeah, will be back- full swing et al! :D

7:19 AM  
Blogger Arun said...

phew!

1:31 AM  
Blogger Arun said...

actually, make it phew! phew!

1:31 AM  
Blogger Poornima said...

Arun: :p

8:56 PM  
Blogger raka said...

Good to know that even girls go trough such 'may be the girl wont show up this time too' moments.
Good to know that this crap happens to a lot of people.

8:25 PM  
Blogger Poornima said...

Raka: She did. And he's married. Unhappily I hope! (Spiteful ol' me!)

8:38 PM  

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