Monday, July 31, 2006

Center of the middle

Dear Mother,

This is a letter I won't post. For you aren't to know all this.

What do I say about him?

That he is kind? He brings me flowers for the remaining change that he has. Flowers of the season. Sometimes they smell good. Most often, they smell of my boredom.

That he is loving? The fan up there doesn't dispel the smell of our sweat. And love making. It makes me blush to write of such things. But that is what even you would call it, no mother? Making love? We all make love in the hope that it exists. Else we invent it. I do.

His smoke stained kisses... His pen holding fingers... When they touch me...mother, what did you feel when father touched you? I don't want to know, lest they confirm what I don't want to hear.

We live on the fifth floor. Higher than you can imagine. I feel like a queen sometimes. A queen in my loneliness. With no subjects and an abandoned kingdom.

Down below stay a family with a kid. The kid sometimes runs up to me. It smells of baby powder-fine, soft and warm. They speak a different language. Or maybe I forgot how to talk.

The streets are long and endless. I hold his hand when we walk. He likes it that way. I? I don't mind.

I broke some of the bangles we'd bought for the wedding. I'd saved them up for the parties, wrapping them up in old newspapers as I'd seen the bangle walla. And then yesterday, they broke. Now I don't have matching bangles for the carefully chosen silk sarees. What will I wear to the parties? There are no parties.

I am happy. For that is what I am supposed to be.

Love,
Your daughter

38 Comments:

Anonymous One more... said...

If I am not the first to comment, I hardly feel like.

Please do not wrap up this series with 2 more, as I think you might.

Being a guy, I am able to empathize with her. Doesn't speak much for me, but hell, thats the truth. Haunting...

11:47 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

That's too sad. Write about something happy. :) I like to think of marriage as a happy thing.

12:17 AM  
Blogger Poornima said...

One more: Wrapping it up- will let it go as long as she has conversations to share. And it felt good to read your comment.

Anon: Marriage could be a happy thing. And about writing- he he! I dont seem to be able to write any other way!!!

3:15 AM  
Blogger Pritika Gupta said...

mmmm.. it turn out to be little sad.. gal is not much wiling to change.. hmm.. it will take time but she will soon get adjusted..

4:09 AM  
Blogger Poornima said...

Pritika: Superficially maybe. But a compromise from the heart, an adjustment for what you really don't know... difficult.

7:43 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I love your style though. It's easy to read, and you really seem to be able to touch the reader in that spot that only a few things/people can hit. You get to the heart of every situation and really key in on the emotions people feel. I absolutely love how you can express life through your characters. I think I loved best when you said that you make your characters do the things you can't do, and be what you can't be. I do exactly the same thing. I think every writer puts those qualities into their characters that they struggle with, or wish they had.
Keep up the great work! I love reading your stuff!

11:53 AM  
Anonymous bunjam said...

My Oh My,
I dont know if it is sadness that brings such intensity to your writing or the pen itself. I often think that maybe if I had not experienced sadness, I might not be able to live the happy blurps in floating life. Love your writing.

4:55 PM  
Blogger sparsh said...

I was hoping it would remain a 'story'...not any more. Do u have to get this real??? Can't we get a happy-ending..at least in stories? Angry, frustrated...yet compelled to say..Nice one:)!!!

6:38 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

She doesn't do so well writing happy endings. The touch she brings to sad stories makes it so much more real. like life. Good job!

9:08 PM  
Blogger Poornima said...

Anon: I said somewhere that I make my characters do the things I do and also don't. As long as they are characters, people assume everything is ok. People are more tolerant towards characters!

Bunjam: Yes, I agree. One needs to know sadness to know the little joys in life.

Sparsh: Am just writing down what I feel would be alright! :)

Anon: True. I don't do well with happy endings. They don't leave me too happy.

10:17 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

cho chaaad!!!
wish I had the enthu and will to compliment ur sad writings with my cocky/whacky ones...post for post!!
am sure u wud enjoy those...no, dudette! ;D

12:56 AM  
Blogger Lost in trance... said...

i guess there r always atleast two ways to look at anything. well written, tho.

1:15 AM  
Blogger Dhanush said...

The start reminds me of Love Story by Eric Segal. What do I sasy about a girl who loved ...

Good read though. Nicely written a nd crafted.

7:11 AM  
Blogger Poornima said...

Sharat: Stay off my sob stories! :D

Lost in trance: A million ways of seeing the same thing, through half a million pairs of eyes!

Dhanush: Well, he didn't die yet! :P

7:28 AM  
Blogger A.G.Sudarshan said...

Neither's fault... life goes on...


Then?

11:30 PM  
Blogger clash said...

“All women become like their mothers. That is their tragedy. No man does. That's his. -Oscar Wilde :D

1:30 AM  
Blogger Poornima said...

Sudarshan: This is about 'how' it goes on!

Clash: And Wilde was gay.

4:01 AM  
Blogger clash said...

So what? He got it right!!

4:46 AM  
Blogger Poornima said...

Clash: And you believe in what he said?

5:58 AM  
Blogger Dhanush said...

May be.. But I thougt I just found a resemblance here . Thats all

10:12 AM  
Blogger Poornima said...

Dhanush: Wsa just pulling our leg, that's all.

10:20 PM  
Anonymous BakFire said...

I sometime wonder who coined the phrase 'Making love'.If you make it..its not love!!!!

5:11 AM  
Blogger Poornima said...

Bakfire: Lol! You don't make it, then? :p

5:45 AM  
Anonymous Bakfire said...

No Comments :)

6:47 AM  
Anonymous one among the crowd said...

hi,

back after quite a long travel. the last three posts evoke quite separate feelings. as long the closeness doesn't touch it is fine. cause the touch becomes predictable with the character and moves far and more away. however the unsaid or less said words and the looks retain more honest expression and touch a chord (always and anyways doesn't it?). the previous two posts have been good. keep writing.

2:20 AM  
Anonymous Aparna said...

Poornima, I'm assuming you'll have an happy ending to your series. Afterall most gals undergo these initial stages of post marriage blues!


cheers...

9:37 AM  
Blogger Poornima said...

Bakfire: :)

OAC: Hope your travel's been good. The first two have been good, means this one isn't? Let me know.

Aparna: Every girl does have pre-marital blues, yes. But every girl is different and its that one difference I'm tryin to bring out here. Of that one different girl.

9:54 PM  
Blogger Dev Nair said...

One who regard words and language, can never be careless while using it, even in the most informal of communications. I really appreciate the way you respect language.

10:53 PM  
Anonymous Arun Verma said...

Very nice!

That reminds me, I also need to get an email from you. Been quite long!

Arun

10:56 PM  
Blogger b v n said...

fortunate to have found this blog. like your subtle way of writing.nice posts all,without exaggerations.was dumbfounded for some time...thats a hyperbole :)...but very near.Thanks.

1:53 PM  
Blogger Poornima said...

Dev: :))

Arun: Will will will mail!

BVN: Thank you! :)

6:59 AM  
Anonymous Hiren said...

Seems child is the monther of the woman too in certain respects.

8:02 AM  
Blogger pallavi said...

i wish i could write as consistently as you do... words don't come as easily anymore.. maybe i'm just lazy now...
i'm home for another few weeks.. 09873559485
(yes yes i know...)

1:51 PM  
Blogger Buccaneer said...

where do u get these amazing photos???

10:29 PM  
Blogger Poornima said...

Hiren: Words that go around, yes.

Pallavi: Hmmm...

Buccaneer: Seek and you will find! :)

11:18 PM  
Blogger mannu said...

real poornima touch :) a classic one!

11:43 AM  
Blogger Manoj Nair said...

P, when I feel I am in dark, I come to your blog searching for a canopy where my feelings can survive. When I read your blog I feel like going back to my mothers womb. You create such a nice atmosphere!
Your flow and imagery are amazing!!

2:57 AM  
Blogger niks said...

How can u write so beautifully???u r really gifted!!!!

11:01 PM  

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