Saturday, January 03, 2009

The next first time I meet you

This is where I always wait for you. And I always wait.

I don't exactly know what it is I wait for. That first glimpse? That overwhelming feeling oh so inexplicable when I first lay my eyes on you? Or is it I wait for you to disappoint me by not coming? You buy that quiet certainty which is a recomposed emotion that I put out for you pretty effortlessly. I've become an expert at hiding my emotions. I'm becoming more of a woman everyday.

Every vehicle that pulls closer to the curb of my house, the eyes shine a lil more. So many vehicles pull closer to that curb... The eyes dim a lil with disappointment every time its not you. In those moments between anticipation and disappointment, I live. Life is a process of slow disenchantment. You don't think Sleeping Beauty ever regretted being kissed awake? She found comfort in the story that was her. Somewhere in it she held close the purpose of her existence.

I don't know the exact direction you will come from. The head turns restlessly this side and the other. I don't want to know anything for sure. So I pretend to be unbiased and look on either side of the road at not so equal intervals. I gave you all my love. It didn't matter to you that much.

In that first moment where I see you before you see me, I crease out the folds of the silliest smile you ever saw. You never saw rather.

And then I see you. The feelings that rush up... one of these days I'll learn to not hurt so much.

I hang up my face and pick up my collected mask. You know it better. I'm learning to know it better too.

I don't rush into your arms. You don't open them for me.

We meet a zillion first times.

Hi.
Hi.

26 Comments:

Blogger Meena Venkataraman said...

Hey U'r Back :).. Great way to open the new year..

1:42 AM  
Blogger Purnima said...

Awesome!

New year wishes to you! :-)

2:20 AM  
Blogger Poornima said...

Meena: Happy New Year! :)

Purnima: Have a good one, you too.

5:54 AM  
Blogger BaKfIrE said...

Nice one to start the new year. Greetings!!

7:39 AM  
Blogger one among the crowd said...

Hey!

Were you ....there!
something ....is ..... missing!
the ... classic ..... touch..may be?

what happened!?! hmm...

A.... Very... happy..... New..... Year.

9:22 AM  
Blogger devarenjini... said...

"those moments between anticipation and disappointment, I live."

Its true...that waiting, and disappointments, athum oru sughamaanu...:)

10:21 AM  
Blogger Miakoda said...

Everytime, I read your blog, Poornima, I wonder- is she ever happy? Do you write what you do because your writing achieves its best when approaching the melancholy or because it is true of your life itself? These are not questions directed at you, I don't want to pry. I'm just thinking out loud. One day, I hope to read something gloriously happy written with the same dramatic flair that comes so beautifully to you. Happy New Year :)

8:04 PM  
Blogger Lancelot said...

strong words, pain in those words but yes something is there...

11:55 PM  
Blogger J said...

Miakoda, thank you for writing what you did.. and putting my thoughts of a long time into that question.
(Only difference between my comment and yours would be, I am not really wanting to read anything gloriously happy or anything "defined")

Poornima?

J

8:31 PM  
Blogger Phoenix said...

Beautiful. Sad, but in a way that seems apt. If only....

12:06 AM  
Blogger vrinda said...

to add to what J and Miakoda said, somehow, what touches you leaves you with is melancholy and sadness than sheer joy or ecstacy. somehow, sadness is natural while happiness and joy seem too good to be true...
nice read

9:10 AM  
Anonymous UnExpressed Emotions said...

Melancholy in writing cannot be brought about artificially, it is the expression of a deep longing and sadness. Beautiful writing Poornima. Happy New Year.

11:34 PM  
Blogger Samyak said...

I missed you!!!

6:48 AM  
Anonymous LD said...

i happened to flew back to your blog in first shot...hmmm I believe i am sick with selective amnesia or am I ? Wish you very happy new year !!

About the post, I do not want to comment and say those ususal goodies. I see myself at times in the same crossroads as in your post...one usually hangs in their expectations and anticipation ine one's lifetime...truth of life indeed...take care

LD

1:32 AM  
Blogger workhard said...

Thats some good writing dude, i guess now approaching valentines day makes more sense

BPO work from home

1:02 AM  
Blogger workhard said...

Thats some good writing dude, i guess now approaching valentines day makes more sense

BPO work from home

1:02 AM  
Blogger Sunny said...

Hi.
Hi.

Couldn't help but smile. :)

6:47 AM  
Blogger Poornima said...

Backfire: Its only feb... so am not that outdated to wish a Happy Year?

OAC: You know what's always present? Missing.

Devarenjini: Painful pleasures.

Miakoda: One must imagine her happy.

Lancelot: :)

J: Same answer as to Miakoda.

1:11 AM  
Blogger Poornima said...

Phoenix: If only wishes were horses...

Vrinda: Complicated...

Unexpressed emotions: Ty.

Samyak: I missed me!

LD: Happy year ahead to you too.

Sunny: Sunny smile?

1:13 AM  
Blogger eternal dreamer said...

hi poornima, stumbled on to ur blog just today.loved it. simple words which say a lot. can somehow relate to wat u r writing. excellent.

6:08 AM  
Blogger Julez said...

Wow!!....Beautifully written...

7:52 AM  
Blogger Rocky said...

You have got an Excellent blog

Entrance Exams Dates

12:24 AM  
Blogger Cool said...

I just love this blog..!!

Mehndi designs for hands

9:23 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Miss YOU !!

12:20 PM  
Anonymous facebook covers said...

It is very excellent material to publish provoking piece of writing. Quote the thoughts in a very beautiful way easy to understand. I have read this many time. Thanks for sharing very nice material..

9:46 AM  
Blogger APEL said...

OMG!! who are you?? wish I could know..I read all your blogs..and they are as if a diary written by me..

11:38 AM  

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