I finally publish

Saturday, November 22, 2008

Say a lil prayer for me

I took the bus to school everyday. Clusters of friends. At the bus stop. In the bus. And back in school. Different people in different worlds. My worlds never mixed. And there was embarrassment when it did try. Leaving me confused, a little bit of oil in water, or a little bit of water in oil.

I envied S's world. She had but one world. Sane. Clean. Uncluttered. All her friends- branded and marked. I was the only one in borderland. And I guess I stayed there for her to constantly remind herself other worlds existed and she was infinitely happy in her own. My mistakes and confusions stopped her from exploring. My dissatisfaction helped her find and keep close, her contentment.

So there was this once when she asked me- I saw you come of the chapel.

She never paid too much attention to the interrogatives we learnt in English I guess. I got the question though. 'Why?'

I don't know. Maybe I just trailed behind all the girls who stepped out of the bus and went in to offer a prayer. Maybe I liked the cold quiet of the cozy dark chapel. I checked the flowers everyday. My favorites were the tiger lilies. Maybe it was to see the white clad nuns half asleep feigning prayer. And there was this statue of Mary with a serpent coiled around her feet. Its mottled body and forked tongue which I looked away as soon as I looked at…The candles that burnt themselves out staying alive…

We sat silent a while.

You didn't pray.

Yes. I never prayed.

And relief lifted off the air, light and carefree once again.